Real men use noShampoo

According to the New York Times, Old Spice is introducing a new hair care line with the byline “Hair that gets results.”

Well, let’s quantify those results:

Chuck Norris uses noshampoo.
Use shampoo? Chuck Norris will get you.
  1. shampoo contributes to plastics pollution.  According to this NYT article half of all plastic pollution originates from single use products, read: shampoo.  The average American consumes (and ultimately disposes of) 220lbs (100kg) of plastic per year.  And this is due to rise to over 300 lbs of plastic per person per year.
  2. shampoo ingredients pollute our water.  According to this article at cnycentral.com the NY attorney general is looking to ban ‘microbeads’ tiny plastic beads used in many shampoos.  Why?  Because they end up in our water.  Microbeads were recently found in alarmingly high levels in Lake Erie.  Not enough?  According to this study by the national institute of health, surfactants found in shampoo contribute to the destruction of micro-algae, threatening the food supply in our waters.
  3. shampoo results in hair loss. According to this article at aarp, your shampoo includes foamers and thickeners, irritants, preservatives,  alcohol, and greasers.  All of these destroy your natural balance and increase hair loss.  As men and women age, it becomes more difficult for our scalp to counter these problems.

Old Spice spent $33 million in the first 9 months of 2013 convincing the general population that their products make you a real man.  Well, if real men are balding polluters, then I agree, but as far as I’m concerned, real men use noshampoo.

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